So I recently read this article, http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/interracial-relationship that hits the subject of black women who are claimed to be consciously aware of themselves and black society but happened to fall in love with a white man. For those who don’t care to read the whole thing it pretty much talks about a young black woman who went to an HBCU, cut off her relaxed hair, took every African studies course available and “sported an ankh every chance I got”. She graduates and begins working in the corporate world only to find herself falling for a white co-worker. Initially she keeps it quiet, but as they’re affections continue to grow for one another it’s eventually made public where her heart lies.
She goes on the talk about various aspects of the relationship that did prove hard for her at one time or another. One instance that really hits home for me is when she’d want to talk to her man about what she calls “exotic otherness” at work. In my opinion these are times when things said/done at work could be taking as racially sensitive, and which do affect colored people throughout their career. When attempting to talk about her man would simply brush it off, stating she was “over-reacting” when we personally know that what was stated was a valid argument or conclusion made. Its happened so many times that I honestly don’t even feel comfortable bringing it up anymore, similar situation to the writer. It sucks because sometimes you can be made to feel as if your whining (and with my own mental wellness sometimes my attitude had nothing to do with race, thus making it hard possibly for my man to determine whether or not they are legitimate issues, which is understandable). Whats more is recently a discussion was brought up with my man’s family regarding the plethora of killings of black men that’s happened lately. There was one man in particular (can’t remember the name) that was simply sitting on his door step minding his business when he was approached by a gang of cops reportedly responding to a call of disturbance. The black man was met with guns pointed directly at him, with a call to have his hands up. The man for whatever reason decides to reach into his pocket and it met with a load of bullets being placed into his body. It’s determined after the shooting that the pocket he was reaching into had his ID that showed he was sitting on the steps of his own home. Slightly upset I made a comment that he should have known better, that he’s a black man in up-state NY (check me on that one) and that he had to have been aware. I was surprisingly met with a forceful reply from my man’s mother that it in fact had nothing to do with his race and that he should have been wise enough to listen to the policeman like any human should. Now while I do agree with these terms, I couldn’t help but think to myself: yes, but had it be you or even your son, I’m not sure he would have been met IMMEDIATELY with the same tactics that this young man was met with. Even though this example is simple in and of itself, it brings up a harder discussion that I feel in certain topics can go both ways: Is it about race or is it about humanity? Theses types of issues within interracial relationships are common I’m sure, yet there still needs to be dialogue on how to correct them. I’m honestly not even sure where to begin with that one really.
Another issue brought up that hits home deals with the ingratiation of family and friends. I feel that for a majority of interracial relationships the colored person is more or less accepted, it just takes longer periods of time to get comfortable. Dumb comments are usually made, and it takes that colored person being the bigger of the group and ignoring it most times (unless your one of those who likes to correct it right there, and by all means, correct.) But it does (hurt?) slightly and can cause some ruffling of feathers because your wm might not know how to address it. These situations can make you question the relationship early on but talking about it can help to smooth things over.
Dealing with friends in itself is interesting. Personally part of me gets kinda upset because I’ve made it a point to go and hang out, visit and do things they found entertaining. And they have been. Yet when we’ve attempted to introduce them to something we find enjoyable (that happens to be on a more ethnic side of town) it seems they are instantly tired from a long day or too busy to make it. I know its not their responsibility to hang out with me bc I’m not technically their friend, but it still pokes at me just the same.
This article was interesting to me though, and only touches on a few situations that occur within interracial relationships. What are your thoughts on it? What are some other situations that you’ve faced being in an interracial relationship?
Another issue
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